Ice Rose
by Ice Queen Lily
Summary: He was ice, and like ice he sucked the warmth out of everything around him. Arkan/OC.
1. Chapter 1

The man padded softly through the halls of the seemingly empty palace. He took his time, walking at a pace as if he had all the time in the world. He didn't stray from his path, didn't peek into the many rooms that branched off the corridor, for he already knew they were all empty. His goal was the throne room, with its double doors, where he had been absent from for two months. Above him the iron arches grew in height until they towered to twenty feet, and here the iron and ice floor gave way to muted blue carpet. The doors were open already, but he lingered where he was. From here he could see the throne, occupied by someone who was not supposed to sit there.

The being who sat on the throne was a girl, a child, perhaps 16 years of age. She had perfect, pale porcelain skin, sharply contrasting black hair, and pale blue eyes. Despite her childlike features still she was tall, with an almost air of royalty. She was painfully thin, giving her a vulnerable appearance; a delicate frozen rose, whose stem would easily snap at a slight gust of wind.

She wore a grand dress, the exact color of her eyes, the silken cloth flowing from the waist to cascade onto the floor of the dais, ripples of blue. The sleeves ended at a gently curved elbow in the same rippling movement. And despite the cold she did not seem affected by her thin clothing. A circlet of silver stood out in her shoulder-length, slightly wavy hair.

But it was her face that captivated him. She did not move at all, sitting like a statue, but on her face danced a wide range of emotions. It was hard to see, especially if one had a human's weak eyesight, but at any given time boredom, sadness, or loneliness would flutter across her face. Even from this distance he could see each dark lash framing her eyes as she stared at something without blinking.

Her eyes especially held something strange and mysterious, both endlessly deep and impossibly shallow. And it was in her eyes that her age was very hard to estimate. They were all at once childlike, wide and innocent like a baby, and then suddenly they would become distant as the light in them withdrew. She would appear to look right through you, like she had already seen all there was to see, and you were merely a dot among the endless things in the world.

She was ageless and young, childlike and an adult. Though right now, she seemed to lean more towards the child than the grown up, as her restless gaze drew over the walls, like an impatient toddler who was told to sit and be still. She broke the illusion of a statue by tapping a single index finger against the arm of the throne.

Now he stepped forward into her view. The man, if he could be called a man, was very tall, a head taller than any mortal human, with the same porcelain pale skin as the girl, long black hair in two braids. He wore a sleeveless tunic and dark blue cape, and also was unaffected by the temperature in the room. The silver bands around his arms glinted as he approached the throne, his icy blue eyes fixed on the girl who sat on it.

Her already perfect face grew even more beautiful as her eyes rested on his face. She stood and descended down the steps, each movement graceful. The man quickly closed the vast distance between the two of them, taking her up in his arms and kissing her forehead.

"You have been gone for too long," the girl said when the man finally released her.

"And in my absence you have taken many procedures to secure your place as my Queen," he replied, not exactly reproaching, his voice soft. He placed gentle fingers under her chin and tilted her face up. She lowered her eyes, her eyelashes dark against her skin. The man let his hand fall to his side and began heading toward the huge throne. The girl remained where she stood. He continued up the stairs and stood for a moment before the throne, before turning back to face her and sitting down.

"Have you heard from Maerad?" he asked.

She couldn't help but flinch at the name, an action he couldn't help but observe.

"I have," she answered at last. "She will try to come, along with Cadvan, if their duties allow."

He regarded her evenly. "Come join me, Lily," he then said. The girl went up the stairs and seated herself on the stool beside the throne, her face turned away from him. He studied the side of her face before quietly commenting.

"You are upset," he stated, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear with a quick movement of his fingers.

"I have missed you," she whispered, bowing her head and causing her hair to fall down as a midnight wave, shielding her face, effectively undoing his thoughtful gesture. Now she was the ageless Elidhu, eyes unfocused as she resumed her statue-like state. The man leaned over and pushed her hair aside, touching her cheek briefly with his lips, before releasing her. She could feel the numbing chill return to her skin where his touch left her.

And then there was a silence between them, a deep breath as each thought of the life he or she had endured without the other.

"Why were you sitting on my throne?" he said finally.

"Will you refuse me the right to sit where I please?" she immediately countered, her gaze slipping to meet his. Back was the almost childish light in her eyes as she pouted slightly, not at all being spoiled, just stubborn.

"Why are you being so defensive?" he asked, flicker of surprise passing through his eyes.

"I'm not being defensive," she mumbled, dropping her eyes.

He again lifted her chin, causing her to look at him.

"Has something changed?" he asked quietly. "Do you regret your choice?"

If she were still human, she would have blushed. Instinctively she lowered her eyes again.

"No," she whispered to the icy ground of the room. "I do not," she added for good measure.

Then he stood and gathered her up in his arms, kissing her softly. She returned his kiss, her hands reaching up to touch his jaw line. His arms tightened around her.

A bright flash of light enveloped them. When the light had cleared, the throne room was empty.

I opened my eyes to find myself in Arkan's chambers. I had only been here one other time, when I first opened my eyes as an Elidhu. He liked to keep me out of his room, this I knew, though he never voiced his thoughts. Hadn't he said the opposite? Hadn't he said that I was free to move about his entire palace?

But I knew for some reason he didn't like me in his room, so I never ventured into it while I wandered the halls of his palace. I have a clear memory of when I first arrived in Arkan-da, while I was still human. I always lost my way in the winding passages, but now I could navigate the many corridors with ease.

A movement flickered at the corner of my vision. I shifted my eyes to follow the movement. Arkan stood at a window, the only window I have ever seen in the entire palace, his hands behind his back. The movement that had caught my attention was that of his face turning, his eyes resting on me. My sharp vision could see every detail of his eyes, his mouth, his skin…taking in nearly twice as many colors as a mortal. All of it was disorientating at times.

Yet sometimes my heightened senses seemed to be a waste. Yes, I could see many colors; completely new hues I didn't know existed. But there was nothing colorful here. There was only the whiteness of snow and ice, and the grey of iron. There was pale blue of the sky, and there were pale blue hints in ice and water. Even the furniture and tapestries, though alive with their own breaths, were muted colors. It was as if, in this isolated coldness, the color had been sucked out of the land along with any possibility of life. Sometimes the only proof I had that I had not gone colorblind was the vibrant hues of my clothes, the only colorful thing in the entire palace besides this very room.

And it was so painfully silent here. Even though I could hear a deer nip up young buds from miles away, there was no use of such sharp hearing here. The snow sucked up all noise outside, and the only thing to be heard was the wail of the wind. Inside the palace, only inhabited by one Elidhu most of the time, it wasn't as if footsteps echoed in the halls or the kitchen would be bustling with the cooking of food.

Arkan's eyes flicked up to meet mine, catching my attention back to the present. I blinked as the cold feeling of his…being…washed over me. His was far colder than the ice walls, far sharper and harder than the iron arches that rose to such heights in the corridors. He was winter, in physical form, and I had begun to notice how his emotions would reflect the personality of winter.

The corners of his mouth turned up ever slightly, as he could probably read many thoughts that leaked through my guarded expression. He was often too skilled at reading me than I was comfortable with. And I knew that he waited for me to speak.

"Was your journey pleasant?" I asked. It was best to start on a safe topic.

"It was…interesting," he answered, stepping away from the window and turning his body to face me as he uttered the last word. I turned away from him, ending up looking at the huge bed that occupied the space directly across from me. I could not think of a reason for having a bed since he never slept.

Arkan's fingers flexed at his sides. I took a step forward, my fingers trailing along the sheets of the bed. He also stepped forward and encircled my waist with his strong arms. I leaned into him, resting my head on his chest and closing my eyes. One of his hands moved to support my head as he bent down to kiss me. My arms snaked around his neck as I kissed him back. He held me for a moment more, and then we broke apart.

"I—" I began, but broke off and stared into his eyes. They were the blue of a cloudless wintry sky, when the sun shone brightly yet produced no heat. I could feel my essence breaking away, ice melting under the sun, flowing into his being. I began to cease to exist…

With a jerk that connection was severed as his eyes were forced from mine. With the same fluid motion he had embraced me with he now pulled away, moving to the window and glaring out moodily. My mind was reeling, but my heart did not quicken its beat, and soon my thoughts rearranged themselves.

"For your first year you are at most risk," he had warned me, his solemn eyes on mine. I was human then, weak, and full of longing. "You have not lived long enough to establish your being, and if you are not careful you will lost it."

And for that reason he goes away for long periods at a time, knowing that his presence never failed to undo me. And for that reason I was forced to spend nearly half a year in this palace, both a grand home and a prison, alone. So this torment will continue, until a full year passes.

"One night," Arkan finally said after a long silence—still not looking away from the window—his voice quiet. "Then I must leave."

I wanted to scream. I didn't want to live like this, going half mad in this icy dungeon. All I wanted was him, forever.

Abruptly he turned from the window, careful not to meet my eyes, and walked up to me again. I kept my eyes stubbornly lowered as he kissed my cheek gently. He brushed past me to leave the room. And again I was alone, like every night for much too long.

I did not see him for the rest of the time he was actually here—but once, before he left. He kissed me farewell, his lips soft against mine, and all too soon he was gone. I remembered thinking that time must pass for Elementals quickly, having lived for all eternity. And I stared at the ground bitterly, waiting for the tears that will not, will never again, come.

The first thing I did when he had left was go to my room. Arkan had provided me with a huge vanity carved out of rich mahogany wood. I seated myself before it and drew something out of one of its drawers…a long, sharp knife. The pain wasn't so bad, I thought to myself as I set the blade to my skin. And the wound would always close up again with no scar.

With a long, quick stroke I made a deep cut into the skin. Blood welled up, a red gash against the porcelain pale arm. I stared at it, detached, as if it was some other's arm, even as the dull pain jarring my brain told me it was mine. And then the wound closed up and it was gone. I thrust the knife, clean of blood, back into its drawer with an impatient movement. Eight weeks, and then Arkan would return.


	2. Chapter 2

I was curled up on his bed, my head on his pillow and my hair spread like an open, midnight fan on the blankets, when I first felt it. A light pull northwards. A sense of…discontent. Like I didn't belong here, enclosed within these walls.

I sat up, my hair falling over one shoulder. My eyes were fixated on the window. There were light flurries blowing by the window, each one cradled by the wind, falling to the ground far below. I slid off the bed onto my knees, elbows coming to a rest of the windowsill. My hand touched the glass. It was like ice, and I watched with some amusement that the frost that had collected outside did not melt at what little heat came from my touch. Absentmindedly I traced patterns on the windowpane, my mind reaching as always for Arkan. Did he miss me?

My unfocused eyes blinked and cleared. I drew my hand away, then paused. Left behind was a frosty imprint of my hand, some bizarre print I made. It lasted for a brief moment, and melted away. I mulled over this thoughtfully. Did this suggest that my being was colder than the window?

I placed both hands on the glass and peeked through my fingers. Frost gathered where I touched, small sparkling crystals. Air into Ice. When my hands left the glass, the frost melted once again. Ice into Water. Water into Air. Air into Ice. I rested my cheek against the glass and looked down at the world below. Flurries that stood out against the pale blue of Arkan's eyes, the blue of the sky, disappeared in their thousands and ten thousands, joining with the white snow. Was the snow their final resting spot, their grave? Or was it just another transition, a place to be Ice, until what scant sunlight here melted Ice into Water, and Water to Air?

As I sat back, the frost collected on the window slowly disappeared. I crossed my arms on the windowsill, and rested my head on them. The pull began again, soft and persuading.

-_Come away with me-._

I lifted my head and stared outside.

The window looked out upon nothing special. Miles upon miles of snowy plain, without a single tree or building to break the whiteness. I found more sense in building this single window with view of the iron gate, gazing upon masterpiece of iron and ice. Was there a possibility that Arkan was not proud of this thing he had made, that he did not want to be constantly reminded of his loneliness?

Or perhaps Arkan merely enjoyed scenery.

All of this thinking was driving me mad. I stood with a rustle of silky fabric and left the room. The corridors stretched before me in endless possibilities, but I had no taste for anything contained in these walls. My unhurried steps took me out of the palace, away from the mountainside. I came up to the arch.

Even as an Elidhu, I felt the buzz of ancient sorcery emanating from the iron. Flurries fell onto my bare head and eyelashes, the snow clinging like powdered sugar. In curiosity I reached out a hand and touched the metal.

Nothing happened. To be sure, it was far colder than anything I had ever experienced. It seemed to suck all heat, all life from the air. The air feared it, and hung dead about it. The wind dared not blow through it. And no flurries in their harmless cavorts through the sky dared land on the arch. But the metal did nothing to me. I did not swoon or experience any pain. It was just iron.

_-Step through it. What's the harm?-_

Nevertheless, I regarded the iron with suspicion. Perhaps the iron had sensed that I did not plan to walk under it, and for that reason was, in a way, disabled. If I did try and leave, what would happen to me?

_-His power has no control over you._-

I turned from the arch and picked up a handful of loose snow. Turning back, I threw the powder through the doorway. The snow landed in a clump on the other side. It did not run into an invisible wall or get blown apart.

_-What are you afraid of?-_

I remembered nothing from when I first came here. I was unconscious. I only remember passing out in a snowstorm and ending up here. I never tried to leave, and Arkan never pushed me to. So I stayed.

Except for once. It was here, after all, that I realized that I was the famous Maerad of Pellinor's twin sister. It was only natural that I go visit her and be reunited with my sister. That time I did go under the arch, but it was with Arkan, and with his permission. I came back under the arch alone, but again with his permission.

_-What are you afraid of?-_

Arkan never forbade me to leave. I just never had the desire to.

_-What are you afraid of?-_

What stopped me from leaving now?

_-What are you afraid of?-_

Nothing.

I pushed myself through the arch, walked under the iron right onto the other side. Nothing happened. I turned and faced the Ice Palace behind me. On the other side of the arch it was nearly impossible to believe that there was any way into the mountain. It was as if it never existed, that it had all been a dream. That I had only conjured up Arkan, that I had only imagined the ordeal of the past months, first as a human in the Ice Palace, then discontented Elidhu.

Yet it wasn't a dream. Here I was, standing outside in a thin dress and no coat, and not feeling the cold. That was no illusion.

A wild bubble of excitement rose in my chest. I was free to go wherever I wanted, to travel to anyplace I wished. To Lirigon, Innail, or further. To the hot south, to cities such as the rebuilt Turbansk. Across the sea, to lands uncharted, unknown. Or to the far, far north, where my heart throbbed for with an unexplained passion. No one could stop me, or hold me back.

_-Not even Arkan?-_

Not even Arkan could hold me to this place, this stagnant pool where nothing happened. Yes, the palace was beautiful. But I didn't want its perfection. I existed in that place. But elsewhere, I could begin to live.

I shot one last glance through the gate to the mountain. It was empty. Would Arkan return before I did, and find me gone? Would he worry? Would he care?

I resolutely turned my back onto the scene. Let him worry. He wasn't the only one who could come and go as he pleased. It felt so risky to think such things, and I enjoyed the sense of power over my life, for once in my life. Let him chase after me, if the proud Elidhu could bring himself to chase.

_-Leave him. Come away with me.-_

To the north, then, where I felt a sense of belonging.

* * *

_Blue eyes. Light, pale sky blue eyes. They had been focused, utterly focused on the ground before him, but now his concentration was ripped from him. Across the expanse of land, snow, air, and howling wind, the realization had finally reached him. She was gone._

_The crunch of snow under his mighty paws ceased, as his huge head swiveled to the south, as if he could see her with his own eyes and she set out for who knows where. What propelled her to leave? Why would she find any desire to?_

_A flurry landed on his large, wet nose, and he sneezed. Another landed on his left ear, and he shook his head. Why would she leave? The flurries fell in earnest now, but he paid them no heed. Why did she leave him?_

_A mournful bellow escaped his huge maw, ringing over the flatness of snow. His eyes closed in pain as he snuffled the ground, as if this far away he could catch her scent. The start of another moan shifted suddenly into a growl. Without warning, stillness morphed into walking, to a lope of a run. Massive paws thundered on the ground, muted as it was by the blanket of snow. He would find his lily. White fur blended into white background._

* * *

It was close to hours since I'd set out from the palace, but still the exhilaration of being freed, without ties to anything, place, or person, rushed through my veins. Cold air filled my lungs. This far from the palace, the flurries had stopped as well. I was alone, with nothing but white as far as I could see, and no footprints left by my bare feet to mark where I'd come from. But I did not fear the emptiness. The sky stretched above me, cloudless and bright, and the yellow sun shining weakly from its vantage point. And always, an invisible compass pulled me ever north, ever towards the top of the world. I had I purpose there, I knew.

This journey would be different from the one that had brought me to Arkan. I cringed away from the memory. I was still human, a student at Lirigon. They had no maps or knowledge about anything in the far north, and I had volunteered with the group to travel and map out the land, as well as record what we would find. It was stupid, since I was so young and weak, and it would be laughable to think that I could ever survive the harsh northern climate.

And yet, my teacher had relented and let me go. We left with a group close to twenty.

Everyone else was dead now.

The storm had come on faster than could be predicted, and even the Bard whose specialty was weather didn't see it coming. It had been awful, the cold, and as I was buried under the snow I just wanted to sleep and never wake up.

But wake up I did. In moonlit rooms, on an unfamiliar bed, in warm robes and the smell of food drifting up into my nose. I did not know how, and still I do not know how, but somehow I had ended up in Arkan's palace. I suffered from frostbite, but thankfully I got to keep all of my fingers. I had broken some ribs and my leg in the storm, but those injuries among others were nursed to health by none other than the cold Elidhu. I know not how he managed with the humility of acting the part of a nursemaid to the most stubborn patient he may have ever faced.

He must have known what he was doing, because I recovered enough to make his life like living in hell.

My eyes closed as I smiled to remember the things we fought about. Somewhere amid our meaningless squabbles I had fallen in love with him, and he with me. When he suggested subtly the possibility of awakening my Elidhu self fully within me, it was as if he had proposed to me.

_And yet, after all this, still you leave him willingly_, a small voice in me chirped up. Instantly, my cheerful mood vanished. It wasn't like I had a choice. If I stayed there, I would die from lack of purpose. I had to get away somehow, to escape the feelings of loneliness and uselessness. Was that so selfish?

I took one more step, and instantly my mind was ravaged with a pain I had never experienced. It threw me to the ground, forcing me to clutch my head in silent agony. Blue eyes filled my darkening vision.

_Lily, you betrayer._

Blind, unseeing eyes shot open, and I stared at nothing. All I could focus on were those eyes.

_You betrayed me._

I closed my eyes, but my inner eyes found no rest. I wanted to scream, but no sound would come out.

_Come back to me._

_You will not control me like this, _I silently screamed back, somehow finding the will to fight. _I will not be ruled by force or fear. I fear you not._

_You will come._

Something like a leash tightened over my mind's self. His attempt to control me only made me wish to resist even more. I fought with every ounce of strength I had, yet somehow found I could reply to his command.

_What if I do not wish to come? What will you do? Drag me back to Arkan-da? The moment you turn your eye from me, I'll leave again. Will you imprison me? The palace is already a prison. Will you chain me?_

_Silence! _My voice was stolen from my throat. The blue eyes widened in anger, but unexpectedly shut in pain. I gasped as I was left in darkness, my chest heaving with the simple task of breathing. The eyes opened again, but were softer, darker with pain, and no longer burning with the intensity of anger. His cat-like pupils were large with his sadness.

_So you will leave?_ he asked sadly.

I didn't have any will left in me to resist. Some small part of me chided the other about my weakness, but I didn't care anymore. The wild, nearly childlike fascination of the outside world deserted my body, leaving behind an empty shell. I was left with the same feelings of regret, desire, loneliness.

_Take me back,_ I mind-whispered. _Stay with me._

I do not know how long I laid there, curled up like a fetus on the snow. I do not want to remember. But it ended, and strong arms picked me up and held me to a warm chest. I watched through half closed eyes as he began heading back to the palace. I did not try to fight. I had no will left to fight. I did not even possess the strength to walk. So it was, and I was carried back to Arkan-da like a small child, tired out from a day's play.

I did not need sleep, but I felt drained. Arkan stayed by my side as I laid on his bed, saying nothing, doing nothing. He did not offer any words or touch.

Many days passed. In the Ice Palace, time was at a standstill, not moving forward. Arkan and I were trapped in the frozen time, unable to move forward or look back. Days morphed into weeks, and weeks into a month.

So this was the price of being immortal.


	3. Chapter 3

All spells break, so this one did as well. Arkan, I could tell, was uneasy about leaving me to myself, but he had whatever pressing matters he needed to attend to.

"Take care of yourself," he murmured to me as he held me one last time, the wind whipping our bodies as if to keep us together. I nodded blankly and buried my face in his chest. He had finally gotten me out of the room into the cold, starry night but it did not help my current state at all. The palace was a tomb, empty, lifeless, every room in it unused and forgotten. A palace for two, soon to be a palace for one.

It had come down to this. Could he trust me to stay here, in this beautiful, desolate wasteland, awaiting his return, utterly dependable on his presence? Could I trust myself?

His lips pressed to my forehead, and he pulled back. I looked up to see my small, frozen frame reflected in his eyes. I could read his expression in this rare, unguarded moment. He wanted to keep me safe.

My hands reached for him, but I dropped them. I had to prove my strength to him. His eyes bore into mine, as if to memorize me. I met his gaze without fear. Both of us wanted to break the silence, but neither had anything to say. Just as I was about to open my mouth to say something, anything, he turned from me.

"I should be going," he stated. Numbly, I kept my mouth shut and nodded. He turned back quickly and leaned in for a kiss, and I kissed him back. He was cold; he was always cold, but now, with his face between my palms, his lips tracing mine, his absence of heat seemed to burn with its own type of fire. This fire held a promise, a tantalizing hint of what I could have. The temptation was more than I could bear. I ducked my head with a little gasp, ripping our mouths apart. He watched me carefully, dropping his arms to his side.

"Good-bye," I whispered, and fled from his presence.

* * *

I had never much pondered Arkan-da's source of light, not until now. With a soft pillow beneath my head and a stark ceiling above me, I could almost feel something that could be described as sleepiness. The light source in question I was now seeking out, for though it looked to be coming from the walls, those walls were made of simple iron and ice. It was simple illusion that made them appear to glow.

No matter the time of day, the rooms shone with the same, ethereal light. They created no shadows, giving things a flat, false reality. They tended to coincide with Arkan's mood swings, darkening in his anger and becoming brighter when he was pleased. If he could influence the mood of the palace itself, then the palace would be as much Arkan as the Elidhu himself was. Arkan was Arkan-da, as Arkan-da was Arkan. That could be how his power worked.

Could I create something similar to this palace? Perhaps not on such a grand, elaborate scale, for Arkan was so much more powerful, but a small hideaway I could manage.

I sat up with a start at this revelation. Arkan's bed did not emit so much as a squeak. The flurries had long stopped, and through the window I could see below me a fresh canvas of snow. To test myself, I rested a hand against the pane. Instead of merely letting nature do its work, I focused my thought on the other side of the window, envisioning what I sought to create. Peeking through my fingers, I could see the beginnings of a rose curl on the glass. When I strengthened my resolve, the frost crystals all merged together, and the result was yet another imprint of my hand.

Out of habit, I bit my lower lip. I drew my hand away to let the frost melt. Once again, I pressed my hand to the glass and concentrated. At a slow pace, I drew out a long, slender stalk with the index finger of my other hand, from the base of the window to the base of my hand. When I pulled away the finger, the frost remained. Interesting. Using the fingers of my hand on the window, I curled up petals. I held my hand there for a moment longer, and slowly retreated. The rose's outline began to blur. When I hurriedly touched the glass again the entire design fuzzed together and disappeared.

In something rather close to frustration, I pulled away my hand and blew on the glass to speed up the melting process. The melting frost particles hardened, and reshaped themselves, peeling one by one off the glass and returning to their rightful spots. My rose was back, with the small additions of thorns on the stem.

As I touched the glass hesitantly, the entire design peeled off as one and spun gently in the air. New frost gathered on the paper thin edges, giving it shape. Encouraged by my thoughts, a rose of solid frost slowed its twirling dance, glistening in the sun. It had gained extra petals and leaves. I wasn't sure how it remained hovering outside the window.

I stood and opened the window. My rose danced away warily, but crept up again. I held out a palm, and the stem landed in the center. I brought it inside and shut the window. The rose wobbled on a suddenly shaky stem, and when I reached out a hand to steady it, the entire thing melted in my hands.

It took some self control not to stamp my foot like a spoiled brat. Oh, how I seemed to be fighting that urge so much recently! But my eyes were drawn again to the outside, to the possibilities that awaited me. Like a silent ghost, I drifted out of the room and through the halls, out of the palace into the cold.

* * *

Childhood memories seem almost like dreams, tinged with unrealistic happiness and perfection, as well as uncertainty as reality begins to merge with fantasy. You were so young, and your mind not yet fully developed, so how can you place any trust in these memories? How can you be sure if it really happened, if it really existed? Could you not create this entire false life for yourself, a fuzzy patch of your existence, to be anything you wished?

I remember very little as a child, but among my fragments of memories I distinctly recall this one thing. I had gotten lost, but I must have been at the age that comes with immunity to fear and an open curiosity. It was winter, and I was very cold, and I had lost one of my mittens. I was exhausted. It had snowed the night before, a light fluff that fell apart in my fingers. I sat in the snow and tried making a castle for myself with one hand.

Or was that all a dream?

I sat now in the snow, digging my fingers as far as they would go. The top layer was soft, the result of the earlier flurries. Below that was a frozen layer, iced hard after countless years. It was not suitable material for the snow castle of a child.

Pinching snow between my fingertips, I dusted my hair, white on black. I curled my hands into a bowl and dug into the snow, filling them with powder. The chill was not at all unpleasant, cool on my palms. My eyes closed. I thought of glittering icicles hanging over rooftops, dancing snowflakes, chilling wind whipping over desolate plains, and of a lost young girl with a single mitten playing in the snow.

My eyes opened. I held a half-dome of ice, solid and heavy and real. Cupping the ice in one hand, my index finger carved out of the edge a single petal. Another after another followed, and so the outer layer was formed. I worked my way into the center, blowing on it whenever it threatened to collapse on itself. With my little finger, I etched the swirl of the rosebud, and the work was done.

I placed the finished rose on the ground. With my eyes once again shut, I imagined bright red roses in the summer, in their bushes, hedges, and vines. Peeking through my eyelashes, I saw an icy, stem-less rose. I shut my eyes tightly and focused on the thorny stem of a rose, growing straight and tall. My mind self cut off the green stem of a living rose, and as spirit fingers touched the stem it turned to ice. I attached my stolen stem to my rose and sealed the seam with more ice.

I opened my eyes. My rose was before me, growing out of the snow on a single stalk, leafless and glittering with sharp thorns. It was hard to tell if the rose was a statue or if it was alive, but at least it stood on its own. The effort drained a lot out of me, but it was still a victory.

Fledgling Elidhu: 1.

* * *

I would never grow tired of watching the snowflakes fall. With my new vision, I could see each distinct flake as they fell from the sky in the millions upon billions. It was like watching a huge kaleidoscope, with endless possibilities, and I would never see the same design twice even if I spent hours upon hours turning it.

I had spent hours upon hours watching the flurries, and I began to realize why Elidhu could spend so much time staring at nothing. Because they weren't staring at nothing, they were seeing. They were seeing things that no one else could see. I could spend all of eternity just watching snow fall, and still it would captivate me.

But somehow I tore myself away and retreated into the palace, and found my way to Arkan's room. His room, unlike all of the others, had many things in it. Objects, little trinkets, were neatly arranged everywhere. Though there were many, and none seemed related to each other, they had been placed carefully so that everything looked as if it belonged, and that it didn't just take up space. Little glass shards hung close to the window so that at times the light would shine through and send rainbows dancing on the ceiling.

He had little stones lining the shelves, along with feathers and beads. Some were strung through with string, which themselves all varied, and others were just laid out in patterns and lines. He had jewels mixed in with common pebbles. There were a few pearls among crystals, which themselves were contained in perfectly smoothed rocks.

There was a constant, recurring theme. Everything was perfect. Nothing he had possessed a single crack or flaw. The glass shards had perfect, straight edges. The pebbles were all round and smooth. Even his knots were perfect.

It seemed so unlike him to have such a collection of things. When I had first entered his room, I had been so shocked to see the huge amounts of stuff that I was scared to go in. They had seemed like powerful sorcery implements to my human eyes, but now I knew them just to be another of his mysterious habits. Perhaps that was why he didn't want me to be in here, because he didn't want me to see his things.

I lied down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, where fluttering paper cranes dangled along with crystal shards and beads. I wondered if he made them all. I pulled out the pillow from beneath my head and covered my face with it. This was why I looked always out the window, not around the room. It was just too confusing to see all of these things surround him and still associate them with his being.

I couldn't imagine him taking the time to arrange these things and enlarge his hoard like a greedy dragon or at least like a magpie. Because it seemed utterly selfish to me that he would choose to surround himself with pretty, perfect things, as if to remind him how utterly perfect he was. And it was at times like this that I felt uncertainty about the love I had for him.

_-Yes, he is selfish, isn't he?- _

The voice was back. I clamped my hands over my ears, as if I could by my actions shut out the voice that rang in my head.

_-Why settle for his selfishness? He was selfish in trying to make you stay.-_

_But I want to stay_, I lied to myself. No, I didn't want to see those blue eyes shut in pain ever again. But once I had finished amusing myself with the icy rose, I was beginning to feel restless again. Why? Why couldn't I just make up my mind?

I tore the pillow away from my face and turned onto my side to stare at the glass dangling in front of the window. There were blues and yellows and reds, so at least my eyes had something colorful to focus on.

_-He keeps all the color in this palace to himself.-_

No, that was a falsehood. My clothes held vibrant color. He was not completely selfish. I fixated my mind on that thought until the voice relented and went away.

No, I didn't know why he had all this stuff in his room. But it was his, and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Why was it just so…so wrong? Why did I feel a slight twinge in my gut whenever I glanced over at the stones covering the shelves? He could have whatever he wanted in his room. But still unpleasantness followed me like a bad taste in my mouth.

I stared at the glass, as if I could summon him with my thoughts. I wanted so desperately to talk to him, to touch him and prove to myself he was real. Everytime he left me, it felt as if I was living in a dream, stuck in a half asleep state until he returned to free me from the spell. I needed him, because I was him, after all. He had taken part of his being to create what I had become, and I suppose that was why he wouldn't allow himself to stay. If I didn't develop my own personality, if I remained in the shadow of him, then I would never be my own being.

I would be lying if I claimed to understand everything there was to know about the Elidhu. And as Arkan had said to me before, Elidhu do not lie. It's not as if we're not allowed to lie. But it just doesn't make any sense to lie, to state falsehoods. Of course, that didn't mean they don't twist the truth. Arkan was a master at this, wording sentences so that it could be interpreted many different ways.

I glared at the colorful shards, and as if they could feel my gaze they twisted a little as if dancing in a small breeze. When would I ever stop feeling this conflicting blend of human and Elidhu? Even though I was Elidhu, I still had frustratingly human characteristics. Was it because I was an artificial creation, an unreal thing? I certainly felt real enough.

I buried my face in the pillow again. Maerad had been surprised to find out that she had a twin, and even more so to find I was living with Arkan. She didn't exactly hate him, but the relationship between the two was a little more than strained. And she disapproved. I was so sick of having everyone telling me that what I was doing was wrong. I've been feeling like that for as long as I could remember. And so we fought, and I left on bad terms, and it was only then that I decided to take up Arkan's offer to abandon my ties to humanity, to become Elemental.

Was I a traitor? Perhaps. But I was a willing traitor.

I closed my eyes and wished desperately for sleep. I needed to take a break from thinking, or my brain was just going to explode from too much exertion. Maybe this was why Arkan was so grouchy all the time.


	4. Chapter 4

I was feeling cranky again. I was tempted to try and leave again so Arkan would come back and fetch me, but that was childish and it would be giving in to temptation to be with him. I had to be able to survive without him, or I would never be whole. But it was so difficult. Already a corner his front yard was dotted with several of my rose creations. I was growing them in a circle so that I could create a domed web of their stems, something like a rose bush. A brittle, cold, icy rose bush.

When I wasn't doing that, I would draw. I happened upon the studio when I wandered down a part of a corridor I hadn't noticed before. It was well stacked, and so obviously neglected, that it made my fingers itch to draw again. I was out of practice, but as I drew things around me I began to get artistic feeling back into my fingers.

My favorite subject was Arkan.

I loved trying to capture his eyes on paper. I failed most of the time. But it was a fun challenge, especially if I used color. There were no pencils that matched his eye color, and it bothered me a little, since I knew exactly what hue would be needed. Could I get one from somewhere? No, I'd have to travel far in order to reach anyplace that would sell something as trivial as colored pencils.

So I had to make do with the unsatisfactory shades I had. He also had paints, but I had never learned how to paint. I felt regret as I observed the shelves of the numerous shades, because they were not within my knowledge to use. And I didn't want to waste the paint in trying to teach myself.

There was a large, blank canvas stretching across most of one of the walls. There was a ladder set beside it, ready for the artist to make use of it to cover the white in art. I wanted to cover that blankness, but I didn't know how.

Despite taking up my time between ice and art, I still felt empty. I still felt like there was nothing for me here, and that I was wasting my time in staying. At times, when I bent over the delicate ice sculpture, or when I labored over a sketch, I felt like snapping in half. I wanted to crush the ice back into nothing, or ripping the paper up. There was just no point in anything.

I had no purpose.

I was back in Arkan's room, staring at the glass. I don't know why I'm always drawn back here. If I was exposed long enough to the things that decorated his room, perhaps I would grow accustomed to it. Or if I concentrated hard enough, I could catch glimpses of his being, stuck to the walls or the sheets like an invisible cobweb.

I missed him so much it hurt.

But I stopped cutting. Because the cutting stopped being painful. The pain of loneliness had grown stronger. And the back of my mind knew that Arkan would not have approved, and so I willed myself to stop. It was so much easier than I anticipated.

It must have been the excessive amounts of time I spent in his room. But I began to become obsessed with details in everything. I found myself counting things up to make sure they were a nice number. Or peering closely at things as if to try and find fault with them.

It was destroying my mind to stay here, alone.

I sat up, making various crystal things twinkle as they clinked against each other. The silence was getting on my nerves. I ran, though I didn't know where I was running from, and my flight brought me to the kitchen of all places. I opened drawers and dumped silverware onto the floor. I brought pots and pans crashing down from the walls where they hung, unused. I made a general mess of things. And when all of the cupboards were emptied, I took up a wooden spoon and dragged a big pot to me, turning it over so that the bottom of it made a nice drum.

I remembered doing this as a child, with those fuzzy childhood memories tucked away somewhere in my head. I had sat on the kitchen floor with an upside down pan and a spoon, tapping away a rhythm as someone, someone female, sang a nursery song. I couldn't remember the tune, but I half knew the words, which I chanted softly. And when I couldn't remember the words, I just made them up.

_When Winter came to the countryside_

_He felt a little hungry around half past three_

_So he paid a visit to a mother hen_

_Asking for some eggs he could fry for tea_

_But the fat little mother hit him with a spoon_

_And in a cloud of feathers he was kicked outside_

"_Why should I give up my precious chicks_

_to feed a selfish man?" the little hen cried._

It was a silly little song. I couldn't imagine Arkan knocking on anyone's door asking for eggs, it was just too absurd to wrap my mind around. We didn't need to eat, after all, so he wouldn't need eggs. But if he needed something, and someone hit him with a spoon and refused to give it to him, he would definitely react badly. I tried to remember if there was a second verse, but then I stopped.

Because he stood there, leaning in the kitchen doorway, surveying the mess of the kitchen. And his eyes rested on me, and his expression twisted into something like confusion or annoyance, but I couldn't tell.

And then he shocked me nearly to death. Because he smiled.

And the smile turned into a laugh. Only a small chuckle, but it made something in my chest constrict tightly. And I didn't need another invitation to hop up and tackle his waist.

He stepped back at the impact of my hurtling at him, hugging me tightly and murmuring into my hair. I looked up sheepishly at him, but then ducked my head quickly as I saw the look on his face.

"Where did you learn that song?" he asked in a strained voice. And it was strained out of an attempt not to laugh, not out of annoyance or anger. And I hid my face or I would laugh at him, and his expression.

"I missed you," I wailed into his chest, changing gears quickly as all my self loathing and loneliness crushed down on my shoulders. He quickly sank to the floor and placed me in his lap, holding me close. I didn't cry, but I fought something that felt close to tears. He rubbed my back soothingly and when I calmed down a bit, he kissed me softly.

Instantly I had my fingers in his black braids, yanking his head to me. He moved his hands to bring mine away, but they got sidetracked as he instead cupped my face gently. He murmured something in the kiss.

"What?" I gasped as I drew back a little.

"Lily," he breathed. "Why were you singing a song about eggs?"

"I do not know," I whispered, burying my face in his chest again.

He pulled my face away so he could resume kissing me. I grabbed his face, needing to touch him to prove that he was real, that he was here, and that he wasn't just a figment of my imagination. He growled and grew more aggressive, digging his nails into my sides trying to force me closer.

We ended up on the floor, with me pinned between his arms as he knelt above me, still kissing me passionately. His hands were drifting, and I wanted him to touch me. They grazed my sides, from my waist and moving up. My fingers were tangled in his hair, struggling to loosen the bonds that held his hair in strict plaits. He must have strengthened the ties with something, and it frustrated me. I half pulled away to bare my teeth at him, and with a wry smirk he undid them himself. His hair fell forward to form a curtain around his face, pure black, tangible midnight. It wasn't even slightly wavy from being held in braids for so long; it was perfectly straight and soft, with a light scent of animal musk.

He was impatient, and returned to the kiss. I smiled as I complied, and wrapped my arms around his neck. It was really only now that I fully appreciated being Elidhu, able to kiss him for so long without needing to breathe.

I felt my control slip a little, but I grabbed at it before my being fell through my fingers. He sensed something, and tried to draw away. With a cry not at all human, I grabbed at the front of his shirt and tore it a little with my nails.

"Don't you dare leave me," I exhaled.

"You could lose your essence and disintegrate," he murmured, eyes veiled by his lashes and growing dark with pain.

"No," I vowed. "I won't."

"I cannot," he insisted, looking very much like he wanted to. "It is too dangerous."

I stared up into his face that was finally open with his emotions raw and in the open. Every other time I looked at him, he was always hiding behind a cool mask of indifference. Only if I paid strict attention could I catch the brief glances of emotion darting across his face. Now he was no longer hidden from me.

"Arkan," I begged softly, pulling him slowly towards me. It seemed that I would be victorious, but then he jerked away with a moan and turned his face from me.

"Arkan!" I snapped, grabbing at his chin to turn his face back. He whipped out with an arm and held my hand still, and I couldn't fight his strength. I could only follow as he stood and dragged me upright alongside him.

"No more," he stated quietly. I wanted to slap him in my frustration.

"Why not?" I pouted.

"I do not want to lose you," he whispered. I tried not to shout and stomp my feet like a spoiled child.

"You will not," I answered, fighting to keep my voice at a reasonable level. "I am perfectly fine."

He let go of my arm with something like spite. Anger began to cloud his features.

"You understand nothing," he replied, also fighting not to yell. "You are too new to this world. You know not what you are and are not capable of."

"Maybe if you did not insist on keeping me in the dark I could learn something," I returned with venom in my voice.

"Do not speak such to me," he snarled, and the walls darkened broodingly. "You do not know what you say."

"No, I do not know anything, do I?" I returned. I don't know what prompted me to stand up to him, but I did know that I was sick of being ordered around.

"Silence," he ordered, and the leash around my mind twitched. "I do not want to hear you speak."

"You are just a spoiled brat," I spat. "If you do not like what you hear, you just want to shut everything up around you."

"Silence!" I was slammed against the wall with such force they shook with the impact. I lowered my head to see his hand on my arm, but it withdrew to cup my face with such gentleness it seemed to mock its previous violence. I was forced to look into his eyes.

"Do not talk to me," he ordered, but his voice was low and forced out of his lips. He lowered his hand and turned away from me.

"I don't—'" I began to say, but he raised his hand and instantly my mouth clamped shut against my will.

"I do not want you to utter a single word to me," he said, and with his loose hair I couldn't see the expression on his face. As soon as he left the room, the force that held my throat closed was released with a sigh. I sunk to the ground, suddenly unable to support myself with my legs.


	5. Chapter 5

_-He doesn't care for you.-_

Ugh. My head ached. I opened bleary eyes and sat up. Had I succeeded in falling asleep?

_-He doesn't…love you.-_

I was on his bed, for it seemed that I somehow always ended up in his room. Above me, the cranes shook softly in some breeze. I swept my gaze across the room but it seemed that he was not here. I couldn't remember how I got here. All I remembered was our fight, and being too tired to stand.

_-He wanted to silence you. He doesn't want your words.-_

The glass shards sparkled in the dying sunset. I blinked; was it really that late in the day? It seemed that once time ceased to matter to me, it then proceeded to leak through my fingers like sand. Easing my sore body off the bed, I fell to my knees at the window and rested my arms on the window sill.

_-He doesn't want you.-_

The sun was blood red, and it stained the clear sky. My head felt heavy, and I laid it on my crossed arms.

_-Why should you stay with a man who doesn't love you?-_

_Shut up! _I screamed inside my head. _He is not a man, and he does love me. Who are you, that you feel entitled to make my life difficult? Why will you not leave me alone?_

The voice fell silent and almost retreated, but returned swiftly with more soothing words.

_-But why does he keep pushing you away?-_

_He has no choice, _I retorted bitterly. _There are rules._

_-Child, there are no such rules.-_

The voice was smug, and despite the fact that I didn't want to believe it, I did.

_He…I haven't gained my own being yet._

Something sharp pinched my brain, and I yelped.

_-Your being feels real to me, child.-_

_Stop calling me a child, _I snapped.

_-You are a child in the ways of the ageless.-_

The voice grew hard with spite.

_-He has no right to awaken what should remain asleep.-_

_Are you saying Arkan should not have made me Elidhu? _I questioned.

_-You are not Elidhu.-_

The voice was sharp, and something pricked my mind again. I flinched and grew still. The voice seemed to mull over something before adding a bit more softly.

_-Not yet, at least. You have much to learn.-_

_Who will teach me? _I wailed. _Arkan is unwilling._

_-In the far north, where the sky meets the earth, there you will find answers to your questions.-_

The voice retreated, and my mind was my own again.

* * *

In the end, did I have any choice?

I stood aimlessly in my own room, thinking about what to bring with me. I didn't need food or sleep, and my own skin was adequate protection from the cold. Was there really anything that would be of use to me?

_Permission to leave? _a small part of me sniggered.

No, I needed no permission to come and go as I pleased. He was not my master. Then, if I needed nothing, I would go as I was.

Still something held me back. The soft, tentative side of me, the side still human, begged me to stay. Stay within these moonstone walls. Stay among the ice and iron. Stay with Arkan.

I pushed those thoughts away. I had stayed, and he did not care. I suspected he thought so highly of himself that he thought his love would be enough to keep me here, pining away for him. Yes, I loved him. No one could understand how much I loved him. But I would not pine, no; I would go on this journey. If I couldn't find answers, at least I might be able to find myself. This was why I had to go.

He would sense me leaving the palace, walking toward the iron arch. He would realize my plan to leave. But could he hold me in this place, and force me to stay?

I did not know.

The familiar buzz started up in my ears as I laid a hand on the icy metal. Could I walk through unmolested?

I did not know. But still I tried.

I could feel him pressing against my mind, but it was only a thin curtain of silk and I pushed right through. I glanced back to watch the mountain, half expecting it to explode in wintry fury. It remained cold and uncaring, so I turned away.

But as I walked, the ground began to shake under me. Whirling around, I was greeted by the sight of an immense mountain of white fur, growling and snapping its teeth. Its familiar blue eyes bore daggers into me as it knocked me none too gently into the snow.

I sat there, staring up at the polar bear inches away from my nose. He growled, showing white fangs, but with almost a whine he drew back and pawed at the powder beneath him. His eyes glittered like blue ice as he stared at me, his breath puffing in the air. He spoke to me in the Elemental tongue.

_Why do you leave?_

I tried to stand, but I was forced back with his nose. He growled again, but softer than before.

_Why do you leave…me?_

_Why can I not come and go as I please? _I shot back. _Why must I be caged?_

_Why would you wish to leave? _

He snarled, turning away again to pound the ground under his immense paws and to snap at the frosted air. _Answer me!_

_Am I a pupil, so you interrogate me? _I returned. He growled his displeasure and faced me. I watched coolly as he pushed his head right in my face.

_Answer me! _he ordered, and his control over my mind jerked. I bared my own teeth at him.

_There is something for me in the north, _I shot through clenched teeth. _I must go._

_NO! _he yelled, and the inside of my head racked with pain. I doubled over, ready to vomit, but my hands met fur as he lifted his head to meet them. He trembled under my touch before dropping his head to rest it in my lap.

_I do not want you to leave, _he stated softly. _Stay._

_I cannot, _I answered, and it was the truth. Elidhu do not lie.

His head was heavy on my legs. My fingers burrowed into his fur that was surprisingly soft. His ears flattened as he blinked sadly at me like a forlorn puppy.

_Will nothing make you stay?_

_Nothing ties me to this place, _I forced myself to say, though it pained me. He growled softly in his throat and closed his eyes.

_Then I will go with you, _he said with a sigh. He retreated from my touch, though he remained close to the ground with his head lowered. I realized with a start that he meant for me to get on his back.

_Will it not degrade you to be ridden like a common beast? _I asked in shock.

_You have many leagues to travel, and you cannot get there on foot, _he replied quietly. When I still hesitated, he growled with a soft menace that was becoming his trademark.

_Get on, _he snapped through his growls. I approached him slowly and touched the fur on his neck. I could feel his muscles clench under my hand. Slinging myself over as I would with a horse, I then struggled to find a comfortable spot on his back as well as a way to sit in my dress.

Again his muscles tightened along his back, this time coiling as his power ran through them. An arctic breeze ripped at my body, whipping my hair from my face in its exhilarating chill. When it disappeared, I was clad in a pale azure shirt and navy blue breeches with deerskin boots on my feet and a belt around my waist. The belt contained three mysterious objects: an empty sword sheath, a pouch that seemed to be full but at the same time seemed to hold nothing at all, and a small bag that held something that clinked.

_The pouch houses my iridguls, _he explained as he began to rumble forward. I grabbed at his fur, but let go as I found his movement to be smooth and steady.

_Open it and pinch out a breeze to awaken one, _he continued when he was sure I was accustomed to this new way of travel. _But you must be firm, or they will act in ways beyond your control._

_The sheath is a way to control your powers, _he added. _Focus your energies on the sheath, and it will create a weapon you can use like any other sword. It is easier for newborns to use their powers in this way, _he added smugly.

_What about this? _I asked, pulling open the strings that held the little bag closed.

_That is mine, _he growled softly. _You can open it. _I already had my fingers in the pouch, and gasped as I drew its contents out.

_I…I don't understand!_

_It's just a trinket, _he snapped, almost embarrassed. _Wear it and I will always be able to find you, no matter where you are._

I could detect a wistful note in his voice. Without hesitation, I slipped the ring off of the chain and put it on the fourth finger on my left hand. It was a twisted silver band glittering with a single diamond. It sparkled in the last few rays of daylight, and then the sun plunged underneath the horizon. Night would quickly follow.

_Why would you wear it on that finger? _he commented. I hid my hand from him by messing with my hair. Belatedly I realized that he had not even looked up at me.

_It is where humans wear rings, _I replied, thankful I could not blush, _when they pledge to each other._

_I know about humans and their rings, _he replied well humouredly. _Then, if it pleases you._

I placed my hand, the one with the ring, on his neck. He shuddered at the contact.

_Why are you so kind to me? _I asked softly. _Why do you give me these gifts?_

_Because you are a stupid child who does not know what she is getting herself into, and is likely to get herself killed, _he snapped. _Now please be silent or I will not be able to concentrate._

"It is not hard to walk in a straight line,_" _I grumbled softly to myself, but he must have heard me for he chuckled. The sound permeated his entire body. His powerful muscles rolled under my body as he quickened his pace slightly. I leaned into the sudden wind, delighting in the exhilaration that came with the knowledge that we were heading north. It was strange, to connect such excitement with a direction on the compass, but I knew with some inner conviction that I was heading toward the place where I would find all the answers.

I concealed my smile by burying my face in his thick white fur. There was heat coming off of his body, and for once he was warm. His fluid motion didn't jostle me at all, and the softness of his coat was very comfortable. His musky smell filled my nose, and I felt myself drifting.

* * *

_Mist swirled around the edges of my mind. I tried to push the spidery threads away since they blocked my vision. But the cobwebs kept coming back, so I gave up. It was very dark anyways, and there wasn't much to see, so I let the grey cover me up. I was ready to drift off again when the ground beneath me moved in a peculiar fashion, rolling like waves. I clung to the floor to make it stop, but my fingers closed on soft, pale grass. Heat crept up my fingers. The ground twitched and growled, and I felt myself falling, so I opened my eyes, though I hadn't realized they were shut._

I was lying on my stomach on top of a white mountain, but as my head nodded forward the mountain moved forward, and with a gasp I jerked myself upright. White rushed up to meet my face and the dazzling sunlight reflected straight into my eyes. Temporarily dazed, I tried to find a handhold to prop myself up. My fingers burrowed into soft white and the mountain twitched.

_Will you stop fidgeting? _the mountain grumbled.

_I think something weird happened, _I breathed as my brain registered the mountain as Arkan. _I think I fell asleep._

The mountain jerked to a halt, throwing me almost over his head. He knelt and slid me onto the snow, where I lay very quietly while looking up for him. At first there was only sun in my vision, but then Arkan's head came back into my view.

"When did this happen?" he asked me as he knelt over my body, back in his humanlike form.

"Just now," I mumbled, focusing my eyes on his face.

"Has this happened before?" he questioned.

"I think so," I replied, closing my eyes. "Once."

"Keep looking at me," he snapped, shaking me by my shoulders and forcing me to sit up. I opened my eyes unwillingly and stared balefully at him.

"Elidhu do not sleep," he stated slowly. "Not willingly. When you feel tired, it means that your being is drained. Under normal conditions you would recover quickly, but here, and in your case, you are in danger."

I finally realized how cold I was. All around me, there was nothing but white. Even the sky was bleached of all color. The air was still, but I felt a constant wind battering my insides. I was freezing, and the frigid air was like a knife in my lungs. My skin rippled with goose bumps. The cold made me lethargic, and I felt the need to close my eyes again. But the worried look Arkan gave me forced me to keep them open.

"I thought Elidhu could not feel cold," I pouted quietly.

"It is too soon," he ground through clenched teeth, anguish bleeding into his voice. "I should not have encouraged you to leave Arkan-da. Your being is not strong enough to endure the climate this far north."

"Do not order me around like a child," I whispered, my eyes drooping despite my efforts. He hissed in breath and wrapped me up in his arms. I pressed my hands and face to his body.

"You are so warm," I murmured.

"No," he answered shortly. "You are frozen."

Once in his arms, the wind inside of me went still. His scent was breathable and didn't hurt my throat. I rested my head on his chest and hid my hands in the space between our bodies.

"Why do I feel so weak?" I asked.

"Even Elidhu can feel cold," he explained. "But we can withstand temperatures far lower than humans can. Ice Elementals are particularly strong against cold. But in the deep north lies a power much stronger than our own, and with that power is a climate too harsh even for us. Stronger Elidhu can withstand it longer, but weaker ones, especially you as a newborn, cannot survive in it.

"I know not what led me to let you come here," he sighed.

"Perhaps a little voice?" I prompted.

"Perhaps," he replied, giving me a fixed look. He shifted as if to release me, but with a gasp I clung to his shirt.

"I am here," he stated patiently, gently releasing my grasp and pulling my hand away from him.

"Arkan," I whispered, my head nodding forward onto his chest. "I am very tired."

"You cannot sleep," he snapped. "Your body will be too weak to fight."

"I think I have slept before in Arkan-da," I returned. "Why is that?"

"I do not know," he replied after a pause. "I do not understand you."

"I wish you would," I whispered, my shoulders slumping.

He hesitated before rubbing my back soothingly, and my eyelids felt heavy again for an entirely different reason. I peeked up at his face, but his expression was guarded and like stone.

Drawing back a little, I cautiously touched his cheek. He suppressed a shudder at the contact of my chilled skin. Holding his chin, I leaned up and brought his lips to mine.

"Lily," he growled, breaking away. "Not here."

I stubbornly pulled him back. He jerked away roughly and held my head still with his hands.

"It is very hard for me to hold you if you tempt me," he scolded with a hint of a whimper. "Behave yourself. Please."

Even though he said please, I did not want to give this up. I put my hands over his and gently pulled them away from my face. With deliberate movements I placed his hands on my waist and tried kissing him again. I was met with success as he gave in and kissed me back. I parted my lips for him as he grew more desperate and eager.

"Damn you, Lily!" he growled, pulling away and closing his hands on my wrists like he wanted to hurt me, though he contained himself. "I cannot let go or you will freeze to death, and yet I do not want to touch you anymore!" He took me back into his embrace with surprising gentleness.

"Why must you make my life so difficult?" he asked quietly.

"I am just tired of you pushing me away all the time," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Try very hard to understand," he sighed, tightening his hold. "Now is not the time for this. I wish to keep you alive, so I hold you like this. You need not provoke me into doing something I will regret!"

"Why regret?" I snapped. "Do you hate me so much?"

"I will hurt you!" he growled, nails poised on my back as if he would follow through on his words. "Loving for Elidhu is different that how humans love."

"I will take the pain," I shot back. "I want nothing more than for you to love me."

"No!" he shouted. "No, no, no…" He clawed at my sides, piercing some of the cloth, as he looked anywhere but at me. I watched him as he ground his teeth and fought with himself, looking as if he would tear himself apart.

"How I wish that I could kill you," he whispered finally, turning bright blue eyes onto me. "Then I would be freed of my troubles. But if you were to die, I feel that it would kill me as well. How is it that such a small child could bring me down to this state?"

I brought up my hand to hold his chin and tried hard to keep my voice steady. "Just kiss me, Arkan."

He leaned close enough so that our noses touched. "If only my kisses would be poison, so that we could both die."

My hands snaked around into his hair. My lips quivered despite my will to be brave. "Does poison affect Elidhu?"

"No," he replied wryly, lowering his eyes.

"Then kiss me," I ordered softly. "Pretend that your kisses will kill me."

"Why do you wish to die?" he asked.

"To make you happy."

"No," he answered, drawing back. "I will not accept that."

"Arkan, I need you," I complained, fear leaking into my voice.

He kissed me with such fire that I yelped and tugged on his hair. He dug his nails deep enough into me to draw blood. We were wild animals, tearing away at each other as if we would devour each other alive. I tasted his hate, yes, but I also tasted his love. I was consumed in the flames of his passion with such heat I thought could never exist in him. My hands pulled on his head as if I would rip away his scalp, and he only responded with more frenzied kisses.

He pulled us apart with a gasp, and quickly held my head in his hands so we could not resume our kissing.

"I will take the consequences," he vowed. "I do not care anymore."

"What consequences?" I asked as he lay down and pulled me on top of him.

"Punishment means nothing to me," he replied. "They can kill me, but I will die contented. I want to hurt you, but then I will hurt myself. So let me make you happy, so that I can gain this pleasure of happiness, and if they take me I hope you will feel pain. You deserve it after what you have done to me."

"You talk like a mad man," I stated. "What do you mean?"

"I do not know," he answered, closing his eyes. "I am going mad. This fire burning inside of me is eating away my mind."

As afraid as I was to see Arkan beneath me, very calmly talking of death and killing, still the base side of me thrilled in this new animal way of expressing myself. I would ignore the fear that rose up in my chest, and the little warnings my brain screamed at me. He opened his eyes and looked expectantly, longingly, passionately at me. I kissed his mouth and prepared myself for our destruction.


	6. Chapter 6

_Breath misted the air. The ground beneath me was white and smooth, rising and falling as if it were alive, like it could breathe. Warmth seeped through the ground into my fingers. Something held me in place, like arms rising out of the ground itself to keep me captive. The wind blew softly on my back, brushing flakes of snow across my skin. I turned my face to the side and watched my hair disappear into someone else's darkness, wondering where I was. Red spotted the whiteness of the snow and of the being that held me. _It looks like blood_, I mused, and then blue filled my vision._

Do you hurt anywhere?_ A voice echoed pleasantly in my brain. The blue eyes examined me slowly, drifting over my skin._

I do not…think so… _I replied listlessly. His fingers glided over my back, sending pleasurable tremors down my body. He brushed the unmelted snow off my skin and returned to observing me._

Are you cold? _he asked._

Why would you ask me that? _I answered with some amusement. _No._ I let my hands slid up his chest, up to his face, where my fingers trailed over his cheekbones and lips. The blue veiled itself behind dark lashes, before he sat up and hugged me to him, careful to keep me off the snow._

_Distant, unrelated thoughts writhed their way through my mind, though they blew away like cobwebs when his lips found mine. I closed my eyes and lost myself in his taste as he delved deeper, crushing my body to his. He held me for support, and I clung to him in the same way. We were needy still; hungry wolves that could never be satisfied._

_His mouth moved down slowly, torturously, creeping down my neck, below my collarbone, leaving behind a path that burned through my skin into my core. I stroked his hair, all loose and soft, as he nuzzled at my chest._

Whose blood? _I asked. His brows furrowed in frustration as he leaned into the side of my neck and nibbled gently._

Yours, _he growled softly, his eyes growing dark with anger. I touched his face, and he was suddenly apologetic, leaving sweet kisses over my skin. _

It is not like I noticed the pain, _I tried to amend._

That does not matter, _he snarled, still trying to be gentle. His hands clenched into fists. _That I hurt you…

You did not hurt me, _I replied quickly. _You cannot even see the mark.

You cannot see it, _he answered with something very close to disdain. His eyes grew sad as he stared at my stomach. _I can see it, _he whispered. He forced his head away and was distant, his expression all at once angry and upset._

Arkan, _I murmured, touching his face. A sudden fear burned in my chest, a fear that I was going to lose him soon._

Think of it this way, _I begged him, turning his face so that he focused on me again. His eyes were dark in his agony. _This is your mark on me.

But—

Ssh, _I whispered, smoothing his forehead with my palm. _I am grateful. Now I can always have a part of you.

_He still was skeptical. I pushed his hair away from his face and kissed him, mentally begging him to relax, to think of nothing but kissing me back. At first he was hesitant, but then he relented and took over. I was perfectly content to lose myself in his growing eagerness and intensity…_

You already have a part of me, _he commented. I sighed because he had pulled away. With a small twitch of his lips that could be construed as a smile, he returned to kissing me. As my hands began to wander, he pulled away a little, touching his forehead to mine._

You have this,_ he whispered, fingering the ring on my hand. _And it is not as if I am going to leave you anytime soon.

_He kissed the back of my hand and closed his eyes._

Where are we? _I asked._

_He looked up with amusement dancing in his eyes, the eyes that I could never grow tired of staring into. _

So you have noticed, _he murmured. _I wondered if you would.

Stop being vague, _I pouted, but he smoothed my pout with a kiss._

When Elidhu…make love… _he began, holding tightly as I lowered my head in embarrassment. _We tend to be…destructive. So we make separate dimensions for ourselves so that we can do no harm to the world.

Destructive? _I mused. _How?

I would probably cause a blizzard somewhere, _he replied. _I am not sure what havoc you would create.

_It made sense, what he said about different dimensions. Even though we were surrounded by snow, I was not cold at all in this world, even though the wind caressed our bodies constantly. I gazed, awestruck, as the man—or rather, the being who appeared to be a man—who held me. What powers did he possess, to create worlds separate from everything else?_

So… _I began to ask, keeping my eyes on my hands. _In which world are my clothes?

This one, _he answered with a smirk. _I have hidden them somewhere.

Why? _I complained._

Will you question why the wind howls? _he answered elusively, fingering my hair. _

That leaves me at a disadvantage, _I frowned. He nipped my ear and smiled._

Wipe that smile off your face, _I scowled, though I couldn't keep my expression angry. I tried to stay focused as his hands began to get curious. _Give me my clothes.

Why? _He asked, holding me close and standing up._

We have to keep moving—

No. _His voice was hard and cold again. _I'm not letting you go any farther north.

You are not my master, _I snapped automatically, instinctively returning to being stubborn. _You cannot keep me from where I want to go.

Why must you keep going? _he demanded. _You will only succeed in killing yourself.

It is something I must do,_ I answered, sadness leaking into my voice. I looked into his eyes trying to find some speck of remorse, of anything that would change his mind. _Please, do not stop me. I cannot do this alone.

_Conflict tore across his face. His eyes could not meet mine._

You are….not…alone. _He held me tightly and kissed my jaw line. _Never. _His eyes closed and the gentle wind suddenly whipped up and grew in intensity, and when it stopped we were back._

"My clothes," I exclaimed, looking down to see that I was fully clothed. Somewhere along the way I gained a coat, navy blue lined with polar bear fur. Arkan moved my hair away from the nape of my neck to the front of my body and pulled up my hood. I watched him through my bangs as he turned away from me. Somehow, by the time he turned so that his back was to me, he was a polar bear again.

_Why do I let you push me around? _He asked wryly, his head craning back to watch me.

_Because I am convincing? _I replied meekly as I got on his back.

_Just…keep your hood up, _he ordered as he began moving again.

"Thank you," I murmured, bending over to kiss his furry head. "I love you."

He was silent, head lowered, big paws padding silently over the snow. My eyes drifted behind us, and there were no footprints to mark his passing. Slowly I lowered myself so that I lay on my stomach again, half-closing my eyes. And I couldn't explain why, but even though we were moving north again, there was a tightness growing in my chest that made it hard to breathe.

* * *

I managed not to doze off again, but I was definitely not fully awake. When Arkan came to a stop, I tumbled off of his back onto the ground. My body hit the ground with a thud, which now, instead of being soft fluffy snow, was hard like rock.

"Painnn," I hissed through clenched teeth. I rolled gingerly onto my side, touching the flat white beneath me. "What is this?"

Arkan came up to me, now in his human form, and brushed away the thin layer of snow to reveal what lay beneath. It was semi transparent and glowing with blue or green tints, swirling and moving with its own life.

I stared down at the small circle Arkan had cleared away. I could see shadows passing underneath, shifting and rolling.

"Ice."

I looked up at him. "How thick is it?"

"Very," he replied simply, extending a hand to help me up. "It will not melt until the world itself is destroyed."

I stood with his help, and immediately lost my footing again. He kept me from slipping, and held me close to his body. I glared down at the ice below me, cautiously testing the surface with my foot.

"The snow should be enough to keep you from slipping," Arkan commented idly, hiding perhaps a smirk behind his concern.

I gave him an ungrateful look, communicating with my eyes that I didn't want any mockery from him. I disengaged myself from his grasp and stepped back a little. He leaned forward in case I decided to fall again, but after a moment I looked up at him triumphantly.

"This is nice," I smiled, twirling around, able to spin in a full circle thanks to the slipperiness of the ice. Arkan caught me up, likely doubting my balance, but at the same time I ducked under the reach of his arms. He whirled around to find me blissfully skating away from him, further out onto the ice. He lunged for me, and at that precise moment gravity decided it liked me, so the end result was a tangle of limbs as we sprawled out on the ice, with Arkan on top of me as I lay flat on my stomach.

"Ouch," I complained, laying my cheek on the frigid ice.

"This is not very dignified, is it?" Arkan commented smugly, propping an elbow on my back.

"I choose to lay the blame on you," I growled, struggling to stand. Between Arkan's weight and the slippery ice, I did not meet with much success.

He got up and helped me up again. I clung to the front of his shirt as my legs failed yet again to support me. He chuckled, and pulled my hands off of his shirt, before wrapping me up in an embrace and kissing me. My legs were weak for entirely different reasons now.

"Shall we?" he asked once he released me. He held me firmly by the shoulders and took a step away. Once he was certain I wouldn't fall on my face just from standing there, he took two larger steps back. When he stopped, he was back in his animal form. Rather than run the risk of me slipping again, he came up to me so I could climb on his back.

"Why did you stop in the first place?" I asked him, burrowing my fingers into his soft fur.

"There was no reason," he replied offhandedly. I pouted at the back of his head, because I was certain that there was something he was keeping from me.

"Why is the ice so slippery?" I continued after a pause. "Surely after all this time the snow would be very thick on top of it."

"You will find out the answer when night falls," was his only reply. I sighed and decided to settle for that answer. I made myself comfortable on his back and relaxed in his steady, rumbling pace.

* * *

"It does not seem very fair for you to be doing all the work and for me to do nothing," I informed him. The sun was close to setting, its pale and weak sphere dipping down to the horizon with brilliant colors that stained the snow with red, orange, and purple.

"After all, this is my mission," I added when he made no reply. "It is wrong that you should be doing everything."

Still he didn't say anything. I frowned leaned close to his head.

"Arkan, are you listening?" I asked impatiently.

_I'm listening._

"Then say something," I pouted, inwardly knowing that I was whining like a small child.

_What do you want me to say?_

_It is not that I want you to say anything in particular, _I answered, reverting back to the mental communication of the Elemental tongue.

_Then what shall I say?_

_Tell me if there is anything I can do, _I replied. _I do not want to just be a burden to you._

He stopped walking, and again I couldn't keep myself from falling off his back. However, instead of falling onto the ice, I was caught up in Arkan's very human arms, and I looked up into Arkan's very human gaze.

_You are no burden to me,_ he stated firmly, still speaking in my mind. _You will never be anything like a burden to me._

_But I do not want to just do nothing, _I complained. He gently put me on the ground.

_Your presence is enough, _he replied, softly placing a kiss on my brow. _That you love me...That is enough._

I gazed into his eyes in shock, opening my mouth but unable to say anything. He took advantage of my confusion by kissing my parted lips, easily slipping in his tongue to explore my mouth. I relaxed into the steady being that was my anchor, giving myself over to him, utterly, completely. While we kissed in the snow, the sun plunged beneath the horizon and soon left the world in darkness.

"Lily, stop," Arkan commanded gently, sitting up and keeping me back at a manageable distance. "Look up."

I followed his command and gasped. The skies danced with living colors, greens and blues and pinks, oranges and purples and reds. They streaked across the sky like living rainbows, dancing and twisting like snakes in the air. Arkan placed a cold kiss to my neck as I remained fixated on the sky, watching the hues blend and mix, then rip apart and dance on their own.

Around us, the snow began to shift. Like a living thing, it blew up into the wind and danced, the flakes twirling about in a breeze I couldn't feel. The twisting snow began to form distinct shapes, something like animals, something like people, and something like the lights themselves. Soon, their voices began to ring out over the flat landscape, light and cheerful. Some sang in eerie voices that blended together in a dissonant yet perfect harmony. Some danced over to Arkan and me and tugged at our clothes.

_Come dance with us, _they beckoned lightly. _It is so much fun!_

_I want to dance, Arkan, _I called to him, for some reason switching to Elemental tongue. He only hesitated a little before standing up and holding me in his arms. The snow beings around us laughed and encouraged us, forming a ring around us by holding hands and dancing in a circle. For whatever reason, I could stand with ease on the ice. With the beautiful lights above us and the snow alive and laughing around us, we danced.


	7. Chapter 7

_What…happened?_

I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. My head felt light and dizzy, like I had poured out my mind onto the ground. I looked around, but no one else was here. I was in a small room similar to the one back in Arkan-da, but instead of glowing moonstone walls I was surrounded by semi-transparent ice that glowed like the ice over the vast frozen sea. I tried to stand up, but staggered to my knees as a wave of dizziness racked the inside of my head.

_You are welcome, little one, _a voice rang in my head like a sweet chime, and my vision cleared. I looked up, sensing another presence. At my door was the most beautiful Elidhu I had ever set eyes upon, a lithe woman with pale skin and pure white hair that was straight and unending until it pooled about her bare feet. She fixed solemn green eyes on me.

_Where am I?_

_You will soon know all, one-who-has-become-immortal, _she replied. She turned and left the room. Replacing her were two slightly shorter, though equally perfect, Elidhu. They led me to a bathroom that branched off the room I was previously in, and there I bathed in icy water and was given new clothes, a gown of deep blue that bared my shoulders with long flowing sleeves. They combed out my hair with silver combs and braided it intricately.

_Thank you, _I murmured, looking at myself in the mirror of the vanity carved out of ice. The girls merely bowed to me and took my hands yet again. They took me out of the room and into the hallway, which was also made of the same glowing sea-ice with a silver carpet running down the middle of the floor.

_Follow us, _the girls beckoned, and took me through winding passages that seemed to never end. At the end of it, we were back where we started. The girls bowed once again and began to leave.

_Wait! _I called after them. _What should I do?_

_That is for you to decide, one-who-has-become-immortal, _the girls answered, their voices blending sweetly until the two spoke with one voice. _The fates no longer have part in your future._

_What do you mean? _I asked desperately, but they were already gone. Nothing came to my mind, so I merely re-entered the room again.

And yet it was different than the one I had been in earlier. The ice-glass was a deeper shade of blue and instead of empty walls there were shelves upon shelves of books, in all languages, colors, and size. Right next to me were some parchments no bigger than the palm of my hand. I picked one up, and as I tried to make out the tiny font, the letters danced right off the paper to scroll before my eyes. Yet when I put the parchment down, everything that I had just read fled from my memory.

Across the room were immense books that were nearly as tall as me. I approached a dusty tome with a leather binding. By bending sideways I could read the cover, written in a spiraling, twisting font.

"On the Ways of Keeping and Maintaining Dragons Composed of Spicy Peanut Butter," I read aloud to myself.

_It is much harder than it looks, too,_ a voice commented behind me. I whirled around to see the Elidhu with white hair leaning in the doorway. I immediately straightened and hit my head on the book behind me.

_This is the library, _the Elidhu continued, her voice light with amusement. _You may stay and read if you wish, or you may continue to the next room._

I looked around at the books surrounding me. _It would take me years to study all of these writings._

_Then stay for years, _the Elidhu replied, her voice containing sadness.

I gazed longingly at the top rows of books, wondering what mysteries they held. _I could finally put all that schooling in Lirigon to use… _I mused. I was pulled to a thin book with a pure silver color. I removed it from the shelf and read its cover. The words danced around, making it difficult to read. Finally, frustrated, I turned to the next page without bothering to decipher the title. The title page was much more cooperative, spelling out _The Days of Ice_, with only the "I" dancing around the page. I eagerly turned the next page and gasped.

There was a picture of Arkan-da, spread out over two pages, and if I put my face closely to the book I could enter the palace and explore the hallways. There was the throne room, the pool, Arkan's room…

I whipped my head up.

_I have to find Arkan, _I told the Elidhu. _Do you know where I can find him?_

_I do, _she said in that sad tone of voice. _But he is in a place you cannot go, not yet._

_Please, _I begged. _Lead me to him._

_Then do you wish to leave this room? _she asked, waving her hand around at all the books. _Once you leave this room, you can never go back._

_I will leave. _Arkan was more important to me than a room full of knowledge.

The Elidhu smiled sadly and took my wrist. Her icy touch burned into my skin, to my very bone. I placed the silver book back on the shelf and followed her out of the room. We walked through snaking corridors that seemed to stretch on forever in both directions, until we stopped in front of the same door again.

_But this is…_ I began in confusion.

_Enter, _she commanded gently, so I followed her order. Again I gasped.

Instantly I was on a high balcony, with an immeasurable throng below. They shouted and waved colorful banners.

_What is this? _I asked my companion.

_Here, in this room, you are the most beloved person, _she explained. _Everyone here adores you and reveres you. You are their role model._

I could begin to distinguish words among the commotion.

_They shout my name! _I exclaimed in surprise.

_Everyone loves you here, _she replied.

I gazed out about the crowd. Some held up huge cards, arranged so that they formed a picture of my face and also my name. I suddenly felt something heavy on my head, and realized that in my hair was a small tiara with crystal drops hanging down to frame my face. It was a crown fit for a queen.

_And yet, something here does not feel right. _I finally stated._ May we move on?_

_Do you wish to leave this room? _she asked. _Here, everything you do is revered, everything you say automatically assumed as truth._

_But I do not want their mindless love, _I answered. I wanted Arkan's love only. As I thought this to myself, the beautiful tiara was lifted off my head and dissipated into nothing.

_Then we will continue, _she replied, and took my wrist. We left and appeared back in the hallway. Again we walked among the confusing passages until again coming to a stop before the same door. With only a slight feeling of confusion, I entered this room as well.

We were in a bustling marketplace, filled with colorful shops that sold everything imaginable. There were delicious-smelling foods, animals and strange creatures of every size, exotic spices and incense, and magic toys. Everywhere I looked was a different wonder to be seen, and the objects never repeated themselves.

_What is this place? _I asked my companion, stroking the fluffy head of a winged kitten.

_This is a place, _she answered, _where you can have any amazing and magical thing in existence. Everything here is yours for the taking, if you so wish to have it. There are endless possibilities._

In a stall close by, there was a vendor with disks that levitated in the air. As the gold rings spun, different elements would appear in the center of each. There was fire, blazing and hot, yet contained neatly within the ring. There was an orb of water, sloshing around while maintaining its spherical shape. There was a flower, endlessly blooming and growing yet always staying the same size. There was also wind, swirling around and around in dizzy patterns.

And there was yet another. This disk did not fly, but remained on the booth's surface. It was a simple gold disk like the others, but there was nothing in the center.

_Is it broken? _I asked the vendor, but he did not reply.

_Do you wish to have it?_ the Elidhu asked.

_Yes, _I answered. _For some strange reason, this thing pulls to me._

_You may take it, _she replied.

I took up the ring and held it in my palm. _May we continue?_

_Do you wish to leave this room? _she asked, waving her hand about the marketplace. _Here you could have every wondrous thing that your heart could desire._

_Yes, _I replied with certainty. Arkan was more important to me than material things.

_Then come with me, _she said quietly. _But you must leave that behind._

My hand automatically closed around the disk, but reluctantly I let it drop back where it belonged. The Elidhu took my wrist again, with her impossibly cold touch, and led me through the busy streets. Suddenly, we were back in the icy hallway. Again we traversed the winding halls for what seemed to be eternity, but at last we came to a stop before a door identical to the one we started at. I entered the room without the prompt of the Elidhu woman.

At first it seemed that I had stepped back into Arkan-da. There were the paints, and the huge blank canvas that covered most of the wall. Almost unthinkingly, I picked up a brush and some pale sky blue paint.

_Here, you have the ability to create any art that you wish, _the Elidhu stated.

I nodded and looked up at the canvas, suddenly knowing what it was that I wished to create. I went back to the paints and chose a few colors. Returning to the canvas, I dipped my brush in the paints and began to work. It seemed to take several lifetimes, but at the end of it I stepped away from the competed painting and gazed at my work.

_How long have I been working? _I suddenly asked the Elidhu, who had not moved since I began painting.

_Time does not pass in this place, _she answered sadly.

_But, how many human days? _I asked desperately. _I must know._

_Time does not pass in this place, _she merely repeated.

_Please, take me to the next room, _I begged. _I must find Arkan._

_Do you wish to leave this room? _she asked. _If you leave, this painting will be erased._

I regarded my painting with despair. I had spent so much time on this…and it would all be for nothing…

_Take me to the next room, _I whispered at last, closing my eyes.

The Elidhu nodded, her distressed eyes full of emotion. She took my wrist, still shocking to feel despite having repeated this gesture other times. We left the room, but before I stepped out, I looked back at the canvas. It was already blank.

Once back in the hallway, we walked for eternity and a half, until coming back to the same door. I entered it slowly, dreading what next temptation I would face.

There was nothing but blackness. My companion and I stood suspended in the air, for there was not even ground for us to stand on.

_What is this place? _I asked.

_This is a world waiting to be created, _she replied. _And you have the power to make it into reality. Simply wish for something and it will be done. The heavens and the planets themselves wait for your command._

_You mean I can make people? _I asked. _And nature? Animals?_

_Anything you wish, _she answered simply.

I flexed my fingers. What wonders I could create, what beauty, all by merely willing it to be. I was about to begin, but then stopped myself. I had wasted so much time working on the painting. Even though the Elidhu told me time did not pass here, I still felt like it had taken years upon years to finish the painting. And Arkan was still somewhere, and I had to find him. I loved him more than I loved the power to create universes.

I closed my eyes as if to shut out the waiting darkness. _Take me away._

_Do you wish to leave this room? _she asked.

_Yes, _I replied quickly before she could describe the possibilities I would be giving up.

_Very well, _she said contritely, and took my wrist once more. We stood again in the hallway, and began to walk. This time it seemed to be twice as long as the last, but finally we reached the door we began from. I walked into the room and covered my mouth in shock.

I stood before a mirror, one that surrounded me on all sides. My appearance had changed drastically. I was inhumanly beautiful, indescribably beautiful. I could do nothing but turn slowly, observing this new self at every angle.

_If you wish to, _the Elidhu woman spoke in my head, though I could not see her, _you may step through the mirror with the ruby at the top of the frame. There you will be taken to a room filled with an endless supply of beautiful clothes. From there, you can go into the world, and everyone will see your beauty._

I took a step forward, but the voice spoke again.

_However, if you choose to go forward, you may never turn back._

That froze me in my steps. I was mere inches away from Perfect-Me, staring into her wide blue eyes.

_The other choice would be to go back, through the mirror with the sapphire at the top._

I stood there, unable to decide. It should be easy, one part of my chided. Arkan is your love, and you would leave him for this?

Stay, another part of me begged. You are so beautiful now. Everyone will love you because of your looks. You will have endless amounts of clothes, all of them gorgeous and perfect. Stay. You are finally perfect here.

I closed my eyes to shut out the image of me, reflected infinitely among the mirrors. I needed to think, but the mirrors around me seemed oppressive and leaning forward, closing in the space around me…

With a gasp I opened my eyes and whirled around. I lost my balance and fell into the sapphire mirror, but instead of meeting hard glass I fell into the mirror like falling into water. When I stopped falling, I was again in the endless hallway.

_You have made your choice, _she said with infinite sadness reflected in her eyes like so many mirrors. _Come. Your journey is nearly complete. _

We traversed the hallways again. This time, it seemed that they never would end. My legs began to hurt, but I ignored the pain while trying to keep up with the Elidhu. The pain grew and grew, until finally with a cry I sank to my knees and gasped for air. Still the Elidhu did not stop, even when I called to her to wait. All light faded until it was darkness, similar to the one from the room where I could create worlds. But this darkness was unfriendly and cold, and it rejected me.

A voice filled my mind, filled my body, and filled the darkness, until there was no room for anything else.

_She has made her choice. She has failed the test._


	8. Chapter 8 Final

_She has made her choice. She has failed the test._

_What? Why? How have I failed?_

_She has failed the test…_

_No, wait! Tell me why? What have I done wrong?_

_She has failed…_

The darkness reached its hungry fingers for me, eager to engulf me until I was nothing. I lowered my head and kept my tears in check. At least…before the end…I was able to love Arkan…and he me…that counts for something, doesn't it? At least I could tell him how I truly feel…at least I told him…even if he did not say it back…

I forcefully shut my eyes, but was unable to keep a single tear from rolling down my cheek, dripping off my chin onto the darkness.

_Wait._

The darkness halted its attack and reluctantly shrank away from me. I kept my eyes closed and my head down.

_Wait, my brothers and sisters. You do wrong to judge her so hastily. She has not yet completed her test._

This new voice was similar to the one of the white-haired Elidhu, and yet somehow it was different in a way I couldn't describe.

_No one has passed that test, sister, _a male voice replied haughtily, one of the many that had formed the inescapable voice from before.

_You must let her try nonetheless, _the somehow familiar voice protested.

_Yes, we must show justice, _a high, young girl's voice spoke up.

_This arrogance does not become you well, brother,_ a mocking male voice, slightly younger, added in.

_Silence, _the first male voice snapped, effectively bringing silence. _We will give her the final test, sister. Let us see if this child can prove her worth._

The darkness faded away into a throne room. There were seven thrones, each differently adorned and embellished with strange characters and signs. Six were occupied, with the seventh one on a raised dais in the middle of the room. Three males sat on the left. Three females sat on the right.

The male closest to me stood. He was tall and lean with silver hair that reached his shoulders. He had one eye that was black, and another that was pure white with no pupil.

_I am the knowledge of ice and snow, the endless wisdom of the cloudless sky, the cold intelligence of the biting wind. I offered you my library full of all the knowledge in the world, yet you did not accept._

I opened my mouth to speak, but the Elidhu sat down with an air of disdain, and from across him a female stood. She was the same height as her brother, with long golden hair that reached her waist, curled intricately. Her almond-shaped eyes were golden like honey, but instead of warmth her orbs were hard like jewels.

_I am the admiration of all who love winter's wonders, _she stated coldly. _I am the love of ice and of snow's glittering landscapes. I offered you the love of all who love winter, yet you did not accept._

She, too, sat. A male stood up next to the one who had spoken first, a taller male with sinewy muscles. His hair was navy blue and spiked short, and his eyes were a matching blue. There were gold rings on his fingers and in his ears.

_I am the greediness of frost. I eat and am not satisfied, I take and do not give, I kill and do not produce life. I offered you the riches of my hoard, yet you did not accept. _His voice was the one who was mocking before, when I was in the darkness.

He resumed his throne, and across from him a female stood. She was slender with wavy brown hair that stopped mid-thigh and expressive purple eyes. Her fingers were long and delicate.

_I am the art of every snowflake that falls from the heavens. _Her voice was the light and high one that I had heard. _I am the intricate designs of icicles and the precision of the ice that covers the seas. I offered you the ability to make beautiful things with me, yet you did not accept._

She sat down gracefully, and the final male stood, the one who had deemed me as a failure. He was taller than all the rest, strongly muscled and confident in stance. His hair was slightly long and black in color, with sharp red eyes. His mouth was a haughty sneer, and he regarded me like a disgusting insect found crawling over his foot.

_I am the power and might of winter. I am the blizzard that howls and rips apart mountains. I am the biting chill that steals away the breath from your body. I am the numbing cold that drains the life away. I offered you this power, this destructive nature of winter, yet you did not accept._

My mind hurt with the impact of his words. He sat, and the last Elidhu stood.

She was the same that guided me through the rooms, and yet she was not the same. She had the same appearance, and yet looked completely different. She regarded me with sad green eyes as she spoke.

_I am the perfection of winter. I am the falling of each snowflake into its rightful place. I am the silence of a winter night. I am the cold, distant pinpricks of stars far above in the heavens. I am the untouched snow, unblemished with footprints. I offered you this perfection, yet you did not accept._

She sat down, and all six regarded me.

_You had the choice, and you refused all of us, _the six spoke as one. _You have failed the test._

_But, what is this final test? _I asked desperately. _What is the seventh throne?_

_Every Elidhu has something that ties them to this world, _they stated, _these six things which we brothers and sisters represent. If Elidhu had nothing to keep them to this world, they would pine away and disappear from lack of purpose. If any of us Elidhu dies, then the entire world is thrown into chaos. YOU, one-who-has-become-immortal, you have thrown us off balance. But if you were to disappear, then even more chaos would ensue. So choose._

_But what is the seventh throne? _I repeated.

_The seventh throne, _the six replied, _is the final test. If you do not choose one of the six, then you must choose the seventh._

_But what is it? _I cried. They did not answer.

_How can I choose if I do not know what my choice is? _I demanded, frustrated and scared.

_So it appears that your new favorite is not different from the rest, _Power sneered. The white-haired Elidhu lowered her eyes. Darkness began to creep at the edges of my vision.

_Wait! _I called out desperately. The darkness hesitated at my words. On trembling legs I stood up and faced them. Though it drained much out of me to remain standing, under their sharp eyes, I took a deep breath and continued.

_You ask me to choose. To choose what? To choose what will hold me to this world. I did not choose any of you. I did not choose you because, though you are important to me, there is something else that has stronger pull on me._

I closed my eyes to shut out their solemn gazes. They waited in silence.

_It is love. Love is what holds me to this world. Love is what I hold to be greater than all these things._

I opened my eyes to find the throne room melted away. I was again in darkness, but this darkness was warm and comforting. The six Elidhu stood in a half circle about me, surrounded by a glowing light. Knowledge stepped forward.

_From me, a gift of the knowledge that home is the most perfect heaven, _he whispered, and handed me the silver-bound book. He stepped back.

Admiration moved forward. Her eyes were warm like honey.

_From me, a gift befitting a true queen, _she murmured. She placed the crystal drop tiara on my head and stepped away.

Materialism approached me with a smirk. He bowed mockingly and slipped a gold disk, the same as the one from the marketplace, around my wrist like a bracelet.

_From me, the gift to see past appearance to find true worth inside, _he stated. He retreated back to his place.

Art came up to me and placed her fingers over my eyes.

_From me, the gift to be brave, _she chanted, _and to not turn away from the chance to create something beautiful._

She stepped away respectfully, to be replaced with Power. He touched my heart and nodded, red eyes thoughtful.

_From me, the gift to use strength wisely, _he said solemnly, adding, _though the true power comes from your own will to do things right._

Finally, the last Elidhu walked up to me, her green eyes freed from their sadness.

_From me, the gift of beauty of the soul, _she said. _May your paths lead you to a blessed future._

She placed a frigid kiss on my forehead, and with that action the six mysterious Elidhu disappeared. I was outside on the ice, staring up at a dawn-lit sky. The wind blew around me, and a voice seemed to whisper, _Fare thee well, daughter._

Strong arms wrapped around me, and Arkan's musky scent filled my nose. Without a moment's pause, I whirled around in his arms and kissed him fiercely. He was surprised, but gave in easily. I tangled my fingers in his hair and inhaled deeply, wanting more and more of him.

He finally disengaged himself from me.

"Let us return to Arkan-da," he murmured gently. "Your purpose here is finished, is it not?"

"Is it?" I asked with some confusion. "But, did you wonder where I was?"

"It was all explained to me," he replied softly. "And I watched your test."

"You did?" I asked in disbelief, and then dropped my head. "Then you must be angry with me for hesitating the way I did."

"No, Lily," he asserted fiercely, and hugged me tightly to his chest. "I love you."

My eyes widened. I buried my face in his shirt and cried.

He pulled me away to look into my eyes. "Did I upset you?"

"N-n-no," I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, only to have more tears replace the ones I vanquished. "I am j-just r-r-really hap-py…"

"I do not understand," he replied, confusion flooding his blue orbs. He brushed a tear away from my cheek, effectively freezing it with his touch. The frozen tear dropped into the snow.

"They are g-good tears," I reassured him, burying my face again as my sobs doubled in intensity.

He held me until I had exhausted my supply of tears, and when I was finished I drew on my courage to look back into his eyes. They were filled with so much warmth and love, an expression that I had never before seen in him, that I had never thought he was capable of. That alone was enough to start up my crying again. He grabbed at my arms and touched his forehead to mine.

"I am here now, Lily," he murmured. "You do not ever have to be alone again."

I sniffed and nodded. "I know."

He leaned in for a kiss, but I pulled away. He looked at me in surprise, but I put my fingers on his lips to keep him from talking.

"When I was in the room of art," I spoke quickly, "I painted on a canvas that looked exactly like the one in Arkan-da, but it's gone now…I think you would have liked it though."

"Does it bother you still?" he asked gently, perhaps noting the tinge of regret in my voice. I nodded meekly. He shook his head and leaned away from me to pick up the silver book, flipping through its pages until he found the one he wanted. I leaned over to see what he was looking at. The pages showed a picture of the art room in Arkan-da, with the shelves of paint and the sheaves of paper. I put a hand over my mouth as I saw the canvas that stretched across the wall, because the canvas wasn't blank.

"It was part of your gift," Arkan explained.

He kissed me softly and I returned it, touching his face gently with my hands to reassure that he was real and not another dream. I was tired of dreams.

* * *

_I rolled onto my back in the snow, staring up at the clear sky._

So…I am a real Elidhu now?

You were always real, _Arkan murmured in my ear, moving strands of hair away from my face._

I meant, do they accept me now? _I amended, stretching with my arms above my head. I knew I would not have to explain who _they _were._

You passed the test, _he replied simply, putting aside the silver-bound book that he had been reading. I fingered the golden disk that remained on my wrist, then touched the place where the final Elidhu had kissed me on the forehead._

And you need not speak of them with so much reverence, _he added. _There are such councils of Elidhu for all four of the seasons, not only winter.

But who are they? _I asked. _What did they do to gain such honor?

It would take many lifetimes to tell, _Arkan answered. _Perhaps I will tell you the story later.

_I frowned a little, but he kissed it away and gently stroked my cheek. I looked deploringly at him before asking my next question._

Did I…do well?

Yes, _he whispered._

Did you have to take the test too? _I turned onto my stomach and propped myself up with my elbows. My hair was a shield around my body, veiling my face from his penetrating vision._

_They_ only test those who become immortal, not those who always were.

That does not seem fair.

_I traced swirling lines in the fluffy snow. It began to snow, light flurries dropping down to dust our hair and skin. I looked over in surprise at Arkan, who lay on his back gazing calmly up into the sky. He shifted to look at me, and as our eyes locked, liquid blue poured into my vision like a gentle stream, caressing my mind like the lightest breeze. I blinked in surprise, and the peaceful moment was gone._

What was that? _I asked in surprise._

This is another way Elidhu love, _he whispered. I looked down at the ground, then back to him._

Someone told me, _I began hesitantly, _that I was not supposed to be Elidhu. That I threw things off balance.

The fault is not yours, _he answered, turning back to look up at the flurries that fell from the sky. His being radiated with absolute calmness, and as I gazed at him I could not help but relax just by watching. I crawled over to be next to him, snuggling into his shoulder. Without breaking his gaze he wrapped his arm around me and held me tightly to his body._

Is there a way to balance things again? _I murmured into his side._

You should not worry yourself with such things as these, _he replied, looking down at me with solemn eyes. _It is not within your power to change the paths that your existence created.

My existence? So by existing, I have altered the natural course of things, _I muttered bitterly. I sat up and would have left him, but he got up and held me to him._

Do not blame yourself, _he whispered into my ear. _You are not held responsible merely for being.

But this was my choice, _I protested._

It was my choice as much as yours, _he replied. _And if you must lay blame on anyone, lay it on me.

_He smoothed his fingers over my frustrated brow. _

I do not want to cause anyone trouble, including the council—

Peace, Lily. _He fixed me with a serious look. _Or I shall be forced to silence you.

_He stood and looked across the vast plain. The snow was lessening now and the sun was sinking lower in the sky. Separate worlds were still bound to the oath of time. I stood with him and wrapped my arms around his waist._

I love you, _I murmured. His head tilted to look at me and he smiled, dazzling like the sun sparkling on fresh snow that stretches out for forever in every direction. And then he was grinning, his white teeth flashing as white as the snow. I stifled a squeak of surprise as he caught me up in a breathless kiss, one that seemed to last forever. We ended up lying on the snow, desperately touching each other pressing our bodies close._

Lily,_ he murmured. _Ice rose.

_He turned my head away from him and whispered in my ear. My eyes widened._

But that's my Elidhu Truename, _I gasped. _How did you know—?

I know this because I love you too, _he answered. He touched my forehead to his and closed his eyes. His lips moved against my ear._

My Ice Rose.


End file.
